Attachment parenting was the cornerstone of my life for twenty years. My babies slept in my arms, were carried in slings, and snuggled with me on the couch reading books. 

But I have not done so well with attachment marriage. 

There is an interesting article about three emotions: compassion, gratitude and awe. In it, the author states that primates spend up to a fifth of their waking hours grooming one another. He suggests that it is a way of cultivating relationships, and is anything but random. I think they are smarter than me. 

The author suggests that science has largely ignored studying touch. He conducted an experiment in which he asked people to poke their arm through a hole, and someone on the other side of the barrier was asked to convey an emotion to that arm. Anger. Compassion, Gratitude. Most of the time communication was instantaneous and spot on.

Curiously, there was gender confusion that showed up. When women tried to communicate anger to men, they didn't get it. When men tried to express compassion, women had no idea. The researchers were so surprised they replicated it and got the same results. 

One time I tried my own experiment. There was a period when one of my kids and I were having a hard time living under the same roof. I decided to try touch. Mind you hugs and kisses were out of the question, but I found ways to simply rub skin with skin. Passing by the sink. Reaching for the syrup. And the results were real. Our connection grew. 

We live in a large house. It is easy to have our own chair, or section of the couch. Heck, we can even camp out in our own room without bumping into each other. But I think I am going to try harder to cuddle. I want to be at least as smart as a monkey.