My father did the shopping. My mother made the meals. I have no memory of those habits wavering, though you know how memory can be selective. She was not what you might call an adventurous cook, though there was always a green vegetable even if it was limas. My oldest sister was invited to explore the culinary arts, but by the time they got to their youngest, me, such extravagance seemed like overkill. I learned how to make a roux. That was all. On holidays I could pinch the crust of the pie with my fingers as a treat. 

 

I did not fare much better in terms of passing on domestic knowledge. The first few kids squeezed oranges into juice, and stirred the brownies. But I have no memories of an independent batch of muffins, much less an entree. Should I have encouraged more? Was I waiting for a surge of interest to manifest? 

 

Recently our older kids treated us to meal kits. There are prepackaged ingredients for interesting dishes that cater to our preferences. The impetus is to broaden Benjamin's narrow taste buds, but the reality is that he is not very brave. The twins and I had fun following the directions for a curry dish based on sweet potatoes and cauliflower, which was yummy. Ben remained dubious. I noticed as we were sautéing the onions that I had never pointed out subtleties like the way onions become translucent when you cook them, and how to mince a clove of garlic. I could make excuses for such oversight, but maybe those are better left in the box. 

 

We chatted while we chopped, and it increased our communal sense of gratitude for the meal. It was sweet to soften the edges between the eighteen years when I cooked for them every ding dong day to when they will live in apartments next fall, and every bite will come from their own initiative. 

 

What goes into the choices we make about passing along know how? Once a couple told us that they consciously never argued in front of the kids. We felt it made sense to be transparent about the disagreements that arise in marriage. Maybe that will impart the notion that arguing need not be fatal, and there are civilized ways to navigate them.