I was chatting with a friend who is devoting a chunk of energy on her body. There have been obstacles over the past years, which have sent her to doctors, and appointments. The follow up has involved rehab, and monotonous exercises, as well as supplements. She was teary as she expressed how tiring it is. 

 

But she is committed to regaining, even surpassing the freedom she enjoyed earlier in life. At some point she hopes to be able to live in her skin without this degree of effort. 

 

I, on the other hand, have clocked less time in physical care. I take no medication. Nothing hurts. John and I have long put an emphasis on a plant based diet, and sprung for organic food. But it would be a stretch to say that we have labored for the reasonable health we are granted. My friend has earned her vacillating well being more than I have my stability.

 

Although comparison is often odious, I wonder. On a morning when I wake up with no pain, how much joy does it afford me? My friend already assured me that such reprieve leaves her almost giddy. 

 

Another woman described the ways she is trying to save her marriage. It is unwell, and has been for some time. Her routine has within it a wide menu of sincere efforts to change old patterns, and untangle the roots of mistrust. 

 

Although it is ridiculous to hold our lives side by side, I still do. I find that she is working harder on hers than I am on mine. I respect her for it. 

 

I am not suggesting that I pay no attention to John. The notion from Gottman Institute that resonates is Small Things Often.  Over the past year we have led four marriage groups every week. We chat over smoothies with mentees and couples celebrating their anniversary. Yet labels like hard work have absolutely nothing to do with it. My friend is wielding boulders while I remove pebbles. Well, fist sized rocks some days. 

 

I suppose random facts, like how well our circulatory system behaved for these four score years on earth will not follow us beyond the grave. Perhaps even the visible success of our relationships will fade in the brightness of God's expansive love. The ratio of expenditure to prosperity is often askew. 

 

I just have an inkling that vital things are transpiring that will matter more in the end.