I wonder if other cultures have the all or nothing mentality so prevalent where I lay my head. Darwin certainly propelled the belief that being the fittest is the supreme goal in a species. But what is the destiny for those of us who are middlers? 

 

A friend expressed her grief over the end of her marriage. She called herself a failure. I cringed at the label, which spreads like droplets of a cough over the whole succulent meal. 

 

My friend has lived well. She has traveled, poured herself into a career, invested in friendships, cared for her elderly parents, taken in young people who needed shelter, lived mindfully and with deep compassion. 

 

And yes, she divorced. 

 

Would we slap a verdict of "disappointment" on a woman who ached to be a mother, yet couldn't? Is a man who aspires to marathons, but dwells in a limited body a dud? Is a child hobbled by poverty less precious than one who dines in a mansion? Is the swimmer that came in fourth at the Olympics a loser? How about the eighth? 

 

What of a surgeon whose goal is to save lives. If a patient succumbs to a ruptured appendix, is he to blame? If you love someone deeply and the devotion is not reciprocal, does it mean you missed the mark? 

 

Benjamin will never marry. Autism has seen to that. Neither will he excel in a full time job, or explore Europe as his siblings have. I wonder if he dreams of such things. I have heard him sing a song often included at weddings, O Precious Sign, as he strolls through the kitchen looking for cookies. He knows all the words. This surprises me, as I usually left him home for such ceremonies. 

 

If I subscribed to the notion that his ranking on popularity, or net worth, or years of wedded bliss accurately assessed his life's value... I would give up now. 

 

But I picture us growing muscles in the sweat of wanting things, even those that are out of reach.