This past week I used up a month's supply of tears. It was not my goal, but I settled on three movies to watch while I hand sewed quilts: I Am Sam, The Pursuit of Happyness and Pay it Forward. I cried buckets. John happened to drive up with a car full of groceries just as Trevor lay dying on the school concrete. He knew better than to recruit me to help bring in bags. Benjamin was alarmed when he saw me sobbing through I Am Sam, and strongly urged me to stop watching and switch to Bob the Builder instead. Because that movie is about a compassionate man with disabilities much like Ben, it made me cry harder still. 

 

All three movies are about single parents trying to care for their child. All three families wrangled with large issues, like poverty, and addiction. Trevor's mom, Lucy's dad, and Christopher's father could have easily given up, and been swallowed up by the enormous forces around them. Yet their child was reason enough to keep dragging through the morass. 

 

How does it work, that someone who depends on you can be the motivation to rip off the ragged shell of who you are now, and break into a more authentic version of yourself? What fuel ignites us to step it up and keep pace with the innocence and trust of this small person who loves us regardless of our glaring flaws?

 

It is an energy that leaves fossil fuel, greed, and selfishness in the shadows. It is a pale shadow of God's bright devotion to us.