They say that a diamond is forever. I am not sure if it refers to the length of time carbon takes to get it together, or the longevity of the payment plan. Maybe it means you only give them to someone whose commitment will spiral into eternity. But they are popular for engagement purposes. 

 

Most of the crones in my life are gone. Grandmothers, my mom, John's mother, a bevy of relatives have moved on to brighter skies. But this week I went to visit my dear aunt. She makes me laugh, and cry a little, just to hear her talk about ninety years on the planet. 

 

She mused about life reviews. At one time I pictured them as a movie, stretching across my history for indicting me on past mistakes. Maybe it would justify my sentence in the afterlife, to go over the evidence. But she described the findings of a man researching near death studies. He suggests that it is a unique chance to see the effects of our actions on other people. In scene after scene, we will watch through the eyes and hearts of people we have interacted with, finally understanding how it felt for them. 

 

This is not a process of being judged, or shamed by adding awareness of the pain we may have inflicted on others. Rather in the presence of love our eyes are opened to the big picture and how we are all connected. If it hurts to look at it that means the lesson was learned. Plus we experience our positive impacts as well.

 

I am not good at this. I recall the moment, embarrassing in its novelty, when I wondered what it was like for my mother to ride the waves of her own illness. I was too preoccupied with calibrating the experience of being her daughter. In other brief moments I have glimpsed what life is like for Benjamin to be inside a mind that makes social graces elusive. Usually I am too self absorbed with tracking what it is like to be his mother. 

 

One time my sister lassoed my attention during a conversation in which I was whining about my children. 

 

"It wouldn't be easy to be your kid."

 

Excuse me?

 

It derailed my diatribe and still has me pondering, twenty years later, what the view is like for Odhner progeny. 

 

One of the endearing qualities about diamonds is that they are multifaceted. They reflect the light in a way that a rock can't. My view is valid enough. But it is singular. When I go wide, and deep I can capture the sight lines of people around me. That's when the enduring beauty begins.