I made an appointment with a new dentist. The one I liked and went to for years retired, even though he was younger than me. He sang with his knuckles in my mouth, and we always chatted about what his twins were up to. But I guess he decided to enjoy his life before he got too old. Imagine that. The dentist who bought his practice was much more serious. I never connected. Plus our insurance changed and we were paying out of pocket. So I decided to jump ship. 

 

I have heard that ignoring your teeth isn't a brilliant idea. It turns out that molars don't spontaneously heal. I am nervous about what the aftermath will be of not getting around to going to the dentist I didn't like, then the pandemic. There may be pain involved. 

 

A friend sent an article about marital counseling. The punchline is that couples wait seven years before going for help. That is a chunk of time to ignore a problem. The author articulates too common scenarios... the husband raises his voice, or withdraws. The wife rolls her eyes and spits out a tirade of criticism. Not the stuff of wedded bliss. 

 

The author also describes three steps to pedal back from the cliff.

1. Appreciations are a must have portion of all our marriage groups. Each person articulates things they are grateful for about their partner.

2. The Gottman's 5-1 ratio shows up... paying attention to the balance of positive to snarky interactions that fill your time together.

3. Skillful therapists also teach couples how to break out of stale models of communication- you know the one where you rehearse what you are going to say next instead of listening- and create robust ones. The Five Yeses is a model we have used with good results. I would send you to a description of it on my website, but the latter has been more neglected than my teeth. 

 

The article included a link to helpful counseling practices. I just hope people don't feel the need to wait seven years. It's lovely to find better patterns before you get too old.