The book I am currently turning to when it's time to turn off screens is called Crucial Conversations. It is required reading for my job. Truth be told I would not have picked it up otherwise, as the word crucial seems too ramped up for my stay at home life. I barely talk to anyone.
But it is capturing my attention. Not like the Jodi Picoult book I ordered online to curl up with under a quilt on one of these nippy October nights. I am taking the Conversation book in chunks, purposely putting it down so that I can mull it over with or without the cider.
The author suggests that we often fall into a Fool's Choice. Either we speak up to our boss about his mistakes and lose our job, or shut up. He refers to such horrific consequences as patients having the wrong body part amputated because none of the attending nurses dared to speak up. But there are people who seem to find another opening, one where no one falls off a cliff.
Start with heart, is the motto. Clarify what you care about.
"I would like my child to feel understood."
"I want my husband to be dependable."
It is also helpful to remember what you don't want.
"I don't want to steam roll over my child's self esteem."
"I don't want to belittle my husband."
I can, with effort, insert this step in past interactions, and imagine that I would not have proceeded with some of the calloused comments I have regrettably made. Such an inquiry makes the door of my mouth too small for sloppy criticism.
"Let my prayer be set before You as incense, the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice. Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth. Keep watch over the door of my lips." Psalm 141
