Marriage Moats-The Race is Long

Published: Thu, 05/03/12

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

(If you want to hear Lori read this story click)here

I have a friend who trained for a marathon. He clocked miles every day, pounding the paths and increasing the blood coursing through his veins. It was a routine that he scheduled into his life, no longer asking whether he would run, but when.

It was not for the first leg of the race that he prepared. He could finish five or eight miles without taxing his resources. It was not even for the final stretch that he logged hours on the circuit. By then he found a second wind and sheer adrenaline pushed him across the finish line.

It was for that lonely stretch in the middle when the beginning was left behind and the end was around too many twisting bends to focus on. Those were the miles of exhaustion.

But because he put in the months of preparation, in anticipation of this test of endurance, his legs kept swinging. The muscle memory kicked in, and he reached into his thighs for strength stored there when it was just a practice run. He knew this day was coming. He was ready.

Our first year of marriage was in a little town in central Florida named Cassadaga. It had been featured on 60 Minutes for being a hub for spiritual clairvoyants and palm readers. Every third house had a sign.

"REV. WILLIAM JONES- Medium"

"REV. BARNABY SMITH- Medium"

John was a brand new minister and toyed with putting out a placard in front of our front door.

"REV. JOHN ODHNER- Rare"

Amnesia may have set in but I think the only hard part about that first year was learning how to have all three courses of dinner hot at the same time. Our marriage never broke a sweat.

John has a dear uncle and aunt who are in their eighties. I watch them riding bikes together, or holding hands in church and I have an inkling that they have found their stride. They are long past wondering if they will make it.

But these middle years of marriage can be exhausting. The beginning is as forgotten as yesterday's lunch, and the end is a murky shadow.

Training for marriage can begin long before the bells start pealing. Single folks are not banned from reading books, asking questions, praying. They too can choose to train for a relationship, asking not whether they will prepare but when.

Photo by Jenny Stein

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