Marriage Moats- Homecoming

Published: Fri, 04/27/12

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

(If you want to hear Lori read the story click)here

I watched a passel of videos of deployed soldiers surprising their wives and children by walking in the door. I do not know their names or where they live. But it does not matter. I could not hold back the tears at their homecomings.

People are hardwired to crave connection. The people in those videos did not stop to think, or check their smartphones, or ask permission. They leaped to their feet and cast their arms around the person they loved and drew them in. Often they buried their faces in the nest of of their husband's or father's chests.

"You were gone. You are home. Hold me close." Even the six inches between their drumming hearts inside their kissing chests was too wide a gap as they grabbed tighter, trying to lessen the aching distance that had stretched over months and miles.

These reunions look real to me. Yet I wonder how those feelings are so often clouded over by irritation, indifference, distraction. If I too have the capacity to bolt across the room to embrace my husband after he has been lost to me, why would I let the fact that he is not lost anchor my feet to the ground?

One of the ironies is that we can be lost to each other while we sit side by side. Communication is at a stand still. Endearment has cooled. Empathy has evaporated.

For some people the homecoming does not explode in one moment, but trickles in. The other day John asked about going to his favorite barbershop weekend next summer. There were years when that conversation was loaded. If he was going to leave me for three days I would hobble his fun with my complaining. But this time, there was no need to bargain.

"Go. Have fun." One of the clouds had lifted.

It felt like a slender piece of the joy I witnessed in those You tubes. And he did not have to go 1,000 miles away for me to want him to be free.

Photo by Jenny Stein

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