I read about a couple that was struggling. He was repeatedly hurting her feelings, and she believed he was not trying. Then they figured out that he was dealing with Asperger's. A haze of blame lifted as they realized that his experience of life is vastly different than hers.

 

It is easier to buffer your expectations with compassion when you understand that someone has a hurdle to overcome simply to catch up. When a person has a hearing loss, you can forgive them for not answering after you call three times across the house. If your wife is in a wheelchair, you do not expect her to bolt to welcome you when you walk through the door.

 

If your husband has Asperger's, it is an invitation to cut him some slack about ignoring social cues.

 

There is a book that claims that All Cats Have Asperger's Syndrome. While I am not convinced I do notice the similarity. Cats do not seem to lose sleep over their owner's difficulties. They disappear at their own convenience and take the best spot in the sun. There is a cat who routinely sits on my deck chair, as if she owns the right to do so, and has never once asked permission or how my day was. I do not think a Labrador would behave this way. He or she would slobber affectionately, wag her tail and greet me with a yelp when I drove up. Dogs do not have Asperger's.

 

The husband I read about thought nothing of getting in the car and driving off for an hour, even if they happened to have company. Cats do that too. But people forgive the feline population for their tendency to fling a cold shoulder. 

 

Perhaps cats were invented to give all of us practice in coexisting with Aspie's.

 

 

 

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Photo by Jenny Stein

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