I subscribe to eight different blogs about optimism, marriage, kindness and positive social change. Add a few TED talks and I can float above the quicksand of negativity.

 

Finding the blessings in your life is a choice you can make. But it is easily eclipsed by the problems. It is somehow more socially acceptable to complain about your bad knees, than it is to elaborate on your well oiled circulatory system.

Complaining about your spouse is fair game too, while lauding their praises is not. Last night at marriage group a woman said that when she gets together with the girls, there is subtle pressure to bash husbands. She welcomed the atmosphere of bragging about your spouse that is part of our meetings. Personally, after ten one minute partner tributes, I feel great. One husband was particularly kind to his mother in law. Another did a wonderful job of staying connected by phone to their children. The stories were simple enough, yet framed as they were by the people warmed in the afterglow it felt almost holy, as if we were seeing Goodness itself.

 

I have a suspicion that no one came last night bursting to brag. On the contrary a few were borderline ornery and tired from traveling and hosting over the Easter weekend. But given a space to look for benevolence in their partner, everyone found it, quietly waiting to be remembered.