Marriage Moats-No Yes or Yes No

Published: Tue, 04/10/12

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

(If you want to hear Lori read the story click)here

I did something uncharacteristically nice. I had a pot of minestrone and decided to share it. I went the extra quarter mile and made banana muffins to go with it and took it to an elderly man. I arrived feeling puffed up with my own magnanimity and placed the jar in his arthritic hands.

"Oh. Minestrone. That has those round beans in it. I don't like them. Never did. Oh well, the muffins look a bit burned." He bent over with the weight of the jar, which looked as if it would topple him.

I felt the pin prick in my self image and heard the rush of escaping air.

"But thanks. Thanks a lot."

He could have said that it was the first hot meal he had had in a month but it would not have reversed my sense of being deflated.

I notice that if the initial response I get is affirming, my stance is strong enough for adjustments. But if the immediate reaction is off putting, my heart doesn't hang around long enough for a bone.

I suppose John is the same way. It makes a difference whether I say "Great article!!! I love the opening paragraph. Would it work to change the pictures?" vs "The pictures are all wrong. They need to go. But otherwise it is great! The first paragraph is wonderful."

This is a new thought for me. I remember feeling like I was doing him a favor by pointing out his errors, so that he could fix them before the real gladiators showed up.

But it turns out that loving him is a far better protection from the lions.

Photo by Joy Feerrar

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