Marriage Moats- Victim Mentality

Published: Sat, 03/24/12


Marriage Moats Caring for Marriage

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(If you want to hear Lori read the story click)here
 
I started going to a Bible Study. This week it was about the victim mentality. The speaker pointed to heroes and schmucks who did or did not own up to their actions. King Saul was one who managed to bellyache about how everyone else was to blame for his misdeeds. What makes it more interesting is the fact that Saul was a foot taller than everyone else in town. Usually people who tower over the crowd can avoid being steamrollered.
 
It is convenient to be able to observe another person's flaws. If they are dead, it is easier to draw conclusions without making a scene. The process gives you the elevation you need to look down on your own tendencies. It is like being able to smirk at the splotch of ketchup on the chin of the person at the next table. Even a flamingo cannot crane his neck enough to spot the spill on his own face, but an awareness that spills happen and are not complimentary activates your splotch sensor. Then if, in your mirth, you happen to reach up and touch your cheek, the sticky spot ricochets your attention back to the guy with the ketchup goatee. Putting two and two together, you reach for a napkin and stop gloating.
 
Going to Bible study helped me notice my own ketchup. 
 
Some of the blame shields I have held up as cardboard against my failings are getting shabby. 
 
"I have nine children. You cannot expect me to have time for that."
 
"My husband is a minister. That means we are poor and righteous."
 
"My mother was manic. Don't you feel sorry for me now?"
 
 
In the days following the Bible study my head snapped up from my own droning excuses. I noticed a friend who had had back surgery, and happened to be smiling. A woman who was recently widowed drove by and waved. A person who lost her job was cheerfully finishing her contract.
 
Not only do shields block your vision of my struggles, they obscure my view of yours. When I tear down the barricades I can escape my own foxhole and begin to notice what life is like for someone else.

 
 
 
Photo by Chara Odhner
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