I wish perseverance was contagious or at least transferable. There are people who work ridiculous hours to achieve in their careers. Just today a friend who juggles three jobs told me her workweek is pushing seventy hours. But how many folks log even five percent of that time to succeed in their marriages, even though they may believe their relationship is paramount? One of the chapters in a book by  Scott Haltzman is titled "Make Your Marriage Your Job". He wants men to harness the motivation to succeed that they take to the office and bring it back to their relationships.

 

Creative solutions can unlock bad patterns. One couple decided to shuffle up the banal predictability of their arguments. They agreed that in order to spar they must be wearing oven mitts. Another created an incentive to finding a solution.... no dessert until they kiss. A wife who felt like they could not speak honestly in person began an online dialogue with her husband that cracked through the icebergs. Michelle Weiner Davis is someone who suggests big changes. If you are pursuing and your spouse is retreating... be busy when he or she gets home. Stop calling. Shake up the dynamic.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Photo by Andy Sullivan

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