Marriage Moats-Better Listening

Published: Sat, 05/12/12

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

(If you would like to hear Lori read this story click)here

I am currently enrolled in a five month course to better my listening skills. It is called the Stephen's Ministry, and I am enjoying it. Last night we practiced describing the feelings of the person we were partnered with. Several of us felt truly connected after a ten minute exchange. I chose the safe space she offered to speak about something I keep tucked in a corner of my heart, and was grateful for how gently my friend held it.

It puzzles me why listening is not an esteemed part of our educational agenda. We learn the names of the states, and dates around the Revolutionary War. Those are fine facts to file in our brain, although I personally do not need them as drastically as I need to know how to enlist empathy is an emotional minefield.

There is a Ted Talk that describes the skill of listening, as well as the cultural attack on learning it. Mr. Treasure promised to listen to his own wife every day as if for the first time.

He suggests that we shift our stance from passive to active, reductive to expansive and critical to empathetic. Those three dyads give me pause.

The speaker goes on to describe simple strategies for sharpening our ability to hear.

Receive

Appreciate

Summarize

Ask

Teased apart that way it does not seem exorbitantly onerous.

"It sounds like it was a tough day. Your boss gave you a huge task and not enough support in leveraging it. Is that right? Tell me more."

Photo by Jenny Stein

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