Marriage Moats- Counterpoint to Apology

Published: Wed, 03/14/12

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

(If you would like to hear Lori read this story click)here

Benjamin had a doozy of a tantrum the other day. It continued while I was recording a couple of moats and you can hear doors slamming in the background. I decided not to rerecord, just so people know I am not making this stuff up.

He calmed down eventually, and said he was sorry. But I was clinging to resentment awhile longer. Zack came to intervene, and shepherded Benjamin through acts of penance like taking out trash. I was not exactly forthcoming in praise. Zack gave me the furrowed eyebrow reprimand and reminded me to be gracious about accepting an apology. Now I was annoyed at myself for being a jerk, and simultaneously charmed by the people skills of someone not yet old enough to vote.

I thanked Benjamin in a monotone and unlocked the doghouse. I went back to working on the computer and he came to find me. There were plenty of places to sit in the livingroom but he chose the slender spot between me and the arm of the couch and laid his head on my shoulder.

The poor kid has autism. It is already an uphill climb for him to understand other people's feelings, and he had done what four teachers and three therapists have hammered into him to do. He said "I'm sorry". He decided to go to extreme measures and pulled out his personal relationship booster favorite.

"Let's factor." He even went the extra mile and suggested numbers, considering I often bungle that part by picking primes like 179 and 401.

For the first time since we have been doing this I decided to write them down.

1408- 1,2,4,8,11,16,22,32,44,64,88,128,176,352,704,1408.

11,264- 1,2,4,8,11,16,22,32,44,64,88,128,176,256,352,512,704,1408,2816,5632,11264

He rattled them off a hair faster than I could write them. We sat there snuggled up, lining up factors like beads on a necklace. He knows I enjoy that he can do this and he was trying his best to please me. I thawed.

Apologizing is one characteristic of a robust marriage. But so is the fine art of accepting one. I wish that every couple had a stellar referee like Zack around to keep people in line.

Photo by Chara Odhner

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