Last night we had dinner. It was not a result of emergency conditions involving anemia or malnutrition. We had in fact already indulged that day. But our tribe has a routine that whirs along like a bicycle wheel.... eat in the morning, eat at noon, eat in the evening. I started water for pasta about four thirty, even before kids started hinting about dinner. I did not know if they were hungry yet, but I started because the clock reminded me that food at regular intervals is a best practice. 

 

I wish such cycles were easier to set in motion for sustaining marriage. Yet there seems to be cultural hesitation around the suggestion of feeding a relationship that is not actually starving.

 

"What? You are joining a marriage group? What's wrong?"

 

"Reading a relationship book? Are you two fighting?"

 

I am guilty too. The other day I was writing a story about spending time with your spouse and a shaft of self reflection showed up on my own bare marital calendar. I texted John.

 

"Want to go to lunch?" He immediately called back.

 

"What's the matter?" John seemed defensive.

 

 

Photo by Joy Feerrar

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