Marriage Moats- Lift Each Other Up
Published: Sun, 02/19/12
| Marriage Moats | Caring for Marriage |
Once I heard of a remote tribal society that had a unique way of handling transgressions. They bring the offender into the center of the village, and create a circle around him or her. Then people take turns saying positive things about the person... things he or she has done in the past that they appreciate, qualities they respect, favorite memories. When everyone has spoken, the circle disperses.
It is believed that lifting the transgressor up will give them the strength and reason they desperately need to mend the breach of trust.
The other day I was ornery. I was angry at Ben and angry at myself for being angry at a little kid with autism. I was failing to be the parent I wanted to be.
Then I got an email from a friend.
"I am holding your bowls as ransom for when I walk over and can visit you some day soon. Did I
mention you make many people's lives worth living?"
In the gaping hole where shame had hung like cement, I suddenly felt buoyant. I looked at Benjamin with new eyes and saw a child trying to make sense of a confusing world. I offered to make him a snack and we began to mend.
In working with young children I sometimes respond to unkindness with an affirmation.
"Angela is a very sweet girl. She usually includes everyone." I say this to the other children, and also to her. It seems to lift the child out of her own ditch, with remembrance of how she can and has been willing to be a good friend.
Give voice to those helium filled words with your partner. Then grab a shoelace and see if you don't go up too.
Photo by Jenny Stein
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