One time I was walking with my twins to the pool when they were four years old. Hope was burdened down with a pail and shovel, three towels and two plastic toys. Aurelle's hands were empty. I saw the inequity and felt compelled to correct it.

 

"Don't you think Aurelle should help carry things?"

 

They stopped walking and looked at me with their wide brown eyes. Hope loaded the assortment of paraphernalia into Aurelle's arms. Now hers were empty. They continued walking behind me.

 

I shook my head. It did not make sense to me, but apparently it did to them. 

 

Yesterday I pointed out the tottering pile of clean clothes waiting to be taken up to their room. 

 

"You need to take your laundry upstairs, girls."

 

They nodded to each other, and Aurelle gathered up the pile, which spilled out behind her. Hope did nothing to help her. I felt annoyed. 

 

"Shouldn't you take some too?" I asked the twin still sitting on the couch. 

 

I notice that my ideas about what a division of labor should look like does not always match up with theirs. But does it need to? 

 

Couples have their own decisions to make about who makes dinner, who cleans up, who shuttles kids and who writes checks. It is the ebb and flow of a relationship to divvy these up. Occasionally I feel anxious if my marital responsibilities differ from another couple. But if there is agreement between John and I, that is enough. 

 

I smile to think of how much practice the girls are getting with teamwork.