Marriage Moats-Have a Great Day?
Published: Wed, 01/18/12
| Marriage Moats | Caring for Marriage | ||||
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![]() The other day my friend ended an email by saying "Have a great weekend with John!" I was taken aback. Have a great weekend with John? Why set myself up for
disappointment? My plans for the weekend included getting caught up on
laundry, teaching sewing to cute little kids, going to church and maybe
the library. Why in the world did she hurl such an unrealistic goal at
me? Do I even know how to have a great weekend? It probably used up .09 watts of her brain power to write it, but it
was using up a bucket of mine to wrestle with it. Why would such a
friendly wish bug me like a raspberry seed between my
teeth? I held up the Saturday morning routine against the "Is this great
yet?" yardstick. John likes to sleep in. I spring out of bed to get
writing done before kids emerge. Was this great? It certainly did not
involve John. I was already failing and it was only seven am. By ten the
question of who would pick up our daughter from the train came into
play. He was willing. I was willing. No conflict here, but neither was
it great yet.
I started some laundry, still feeling like a schmuck at greatness. I
made blueberry pancakes, just for fun. They were yummy if you slathered
enough maple syrup and butter on them, but great was a stretch. Besides, John ate
at the table and I chewed in the kitchen while I kept pouring batter.
Still a failure.
I taught sewing which was adorable, considering one little boy made
a Batman cape complete with a utility belt, another girl almost finished a
zebra and a third child happily poked a needle in bright wool for an hour. I
kept offering to help but she was self sufficient. She made a tree. All
three kids felt great, as did I but John was in another room entirely,
so more failure hung like a nimbus.
We went to church and I thought, maybe this is our chance to be
great together. I actually sat next to him instead of on the other side
of the kids like we learned to do for decades. It was a crucial strategy
for child monitoring, but actually now the kids don't wiggle or scream. I could let
down my guard a little. It was a pleasant service, with an upbeat message, and stellar music. One musician actually played the mandolin and violin in
the same song, slinging one behind him while he switched, as well as
singing harmony. THAT was great. But did it have anything to do with
John and me? We both enjoyed it simultaneously. Is that enough?
In the evening we set up the computer to watch a movie as a family.
It was fun enough that we watched one episode of Leverage and one of
White Collar, passing the chocolate pretzels and chips. I guess it
registered on the Greatness Scale somewhere, unless greatness necessitates
preplanning and cash.
In Psychology 101 I learned that preschoolers start with something
called parallel play. They do not actually play with each other, that
comes later, but they play next to each other like parallel lines.
Perhaps all John and I could manage today was parallel marriage. We had an ordinary weekend. It will not go down in Odhner history
as the epoch of 2012. But maybe a string of ordinary afternoons, lined
up on the cord of marriage add up to make a beautiful necklace.
Some people might even call it great.
Photo by Joy Feerrar
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