Marriage Moats-Finding Shelter

Published: Sat, 01/07/12

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

(If you want to hear Lori read the story click)here

It was nippy last night. The puddles were frozen, and the windows had ice. As I rushed Ben out the door for school I realized that the warm gloves and hat I had put in his back pack last night had defected. Benjamin has trouble knowing when he is too hot or too cold. I am not sure if that is an autism byproduct or a subplot of his hypothyroidism. In any case I was not turning around, so I urged him to put his hands in his pockets and pointed the anemic heat vent his way.

The story on the radio was about helping homeless people find shelter in winter. Oh yeah. I forgot about them. I guess it would have been a hard night to hunker down on the sidewalk. The speaker was part of a team creating an app that will help homeless people find the nearest place for food and warmth.

"But homeless people do not have IPads," I scoffed. Perhaps she heard me because she went on to explain.

"If someone is walking in the city and sees a person who clearly needs a place to go, she can pull out her smart phone and find the closest shelter."

Ingenious. And much less self serving than the one I saw that tells me the nearest vegetarian restaurant.

The woman said that it is complicated matching up needy people with services. There are places that only accept women and children, places that screen for drugs and alcohol, places that offer meals and no beds, and the other way around.

I am not a city girl but last week we ventured out to Philly and I overheard a female cop trying to coax a shivering homeless man toward somewhere safer. I was walking crisply by but I did catch him resisting help.

It is sad to think of the disconnect. People who are serving up plates of pasta and bread, and folks who are hungry don't always find each other. Perhaps they are sometimes only a few steps apart, but the distance may as well be across a desert.

I have been part of a Marriage Coalition for years, and listened to leaders in the field who offer terrific workshops... with empty seats. First Things First is a program in Tennessee run by a dynamic woman named Julie Baumgardner who does not break five feet tall. I went to her presentation where she described the ad campaign, the incentives like dinner and babysitting and even classes in Spanish. Did I mention that these are free? Why is it difficult to get people through the door?

John and I direct a Marriage Conference each February. We offer child care, decadent snacks, a broad range of workshops, entertainment and a lending library. The price, although it is not free, I am embarrassed to confess is less than we spend on our IPhones each week. It is .1% of the drop in median household net worth resulting from divorce and .05% of the cost to a company with ten employees who divorce.1

I dream of the day when there will be a Marriage Program App. Wherever you are, whatever your current circumstances, you could instantly find a workshop or retreat to keep your marriage warm and well nourished.

1. Turvey, Matthew and David Olson. Marriage and Family Wellness: Corporate America's Business?, Marriage Commission Report, Minneapolis: Life Innovations Inc, 2006

Photo by Jenny Stein

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