Marriage Moats-Misdirection
Published: Tue, 12/20/11
| Marriage Moats | Caring for Marriage | ||||
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 (If you want to hear Lori read the story click)here
When we lived in California John was a member of The Magic Castle. He would go to watch top magicians doing sleight of hand, feats with large apparatus and prestidigitation.
Sometimes he would take the kids on Sundays, and we would crowd into the too small rooms packed with people yearning to be fooled. One time I saw a woman switch her red dress to a blue one right before my eyes. Well, actually my eyes at that precise moment were following a bright balloon that was floating above the audience. But my gaze was only distracted for a second and when I looked back her dress was completely different. I was confused more than amazed, because I had not exactly memorized the color of her clothes, so when it abruptly changed I knew something was new but I was muddled about just what it was. I wished she would do it again so I could watch more carefully, and not turn my head.
To be a member John had to pass a test proving that he was a moderate magician himself, so he did a lot of practicing with silver dollars and soda cans that rejuvenate after they have been crushed.
There was a man from Brazil with one hand who particularly wowed John. He could cut the deck, shuffle, deal, and twirl face cards as casually as breathing. There were even junior members, mostly boys about fourteen who had clocked in the hours to be able to prove themselves worthy of membership in this elite club which included people who performed all over the world for big bucks. Personally I am the poster child for the audience. I am gullible and look where they want me to. I gasp at the right places and burst into applause without trying to ferret out how they did it. I believe in magic.
I have wondered if we are all in the audience for a show called Magical Marriage. We rivet our attention on the issue de jour, be it whose turn it is to get up with the barfing child, or the anemia of the bank account. We argue, demand, cooperate, compromise or stomp out, depending on the strength of our attachment to winning. But I have an inkling that what is really significant is happening behind the curtain.
Early in our parenting I wasted barrels of mental energy trying to figure out if I should give our son rides when he was rude to me. Was I a wuss if I did or an ogre if I didn't? Clearly there was only one right answer and my reputation as a mother depended on me finding it.
One day John called my attention back to what actually mattered.
"Give him a ride, or don't give him a ride. But whichever way you go, do it without resentment. "
I was jolted. Was he suggesting that the To Drive or Not to Drive was only a balloon floating in the air? Was the genuine scheme to see if I could change my heart from hard to soft? I remembered the lifeless puppet suddenly spreading its white wings and flying above my head. Could I take my lifeless need to be In Charge, and let it poof into a living act of kindness?
I think so. Because I still believe in magic.
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