Marriage Moats-Milkweed
Published: Thu, 12/01/11
| Marriage Moats | Caring for Marriage | ||||||
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 The day after Thanksgiving, John and I brought fruit baskets to
five women who lost their husbands in the last year. Ironically, I was
annoyed at John as we set out, for reasons that no longer hold merit.
He nudged me on, believing that my presence, however half hearted,
would help him fill in the conversation with people who were hurting. I
do have a knack for remembering their children's names, and the latest
accomplishments of their grandchildren. Adding to the grief, though, was
the fact that two of the women were too young to have grandchildren.
Their kids are still in elementary school.
John was right. Once we crossed the threshold and started looking
at photographs and their husband's untouched musical instruments, the angst
of my own peevish complaints dissipated like soap bubbles. We listened
to stories about what they missed most, and how they tried to fill in
the gaping holes. I shed my own tears, for what had been lost. One woman
bemoaned the mistake of not having taken videos of her husband, so that
she could see him laugh, and hear his voice.
The lesson was not lost on me. I still have the opportunity every day to hold John's hand and serve him supper. I wonder if I can learn gratitude before he leaves this old body behind. Photo by Joy Feerrar
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