(To hear Lori read this story click)here

 

The web company that I use to send out Marriage Moats is called AWeber. Every day they send me statistics about how many were sent, how many bounced, how many were marked as spam, and how many sales were made.

 

I do not know if anyone in the office ever looks at those stats, but if they do I wonder if they think I am a loser. After all, for eighteen months the sales column has been consistently $0. Perhaps they shake their heads.

 

"That lady should call it quits."

 

But they do not know what Marriage Moats are about. I am not selling anything. So I look for other ways of measuring their worth. One of those is when the people who read them tell me they make a difference. Sometimes we print those responses in the newsletter. Other times I print them on my heart, especially on days when I am discouraged. 

 

The discouragement comes when I hear of people in pain. It is not that all pain should be avoided. I for one gave birth nine times without once asking for meds. The pain was not my enemy, it was the gravel under my feet that provided traction. But pain that is not getting you anything fabulous, like a baby, or spiritual character, is a travesty. Perhaps it is like seeing a young child hurt in a car crash because he was not buckled. The buckle was there, it was just dangling loose. 

 

Marriage does involve pain. There is the intense feeling of having your need to be in control whittled, no make that hacked. But there are other forms of pain that can actually be prevented. Learning how to speak your piece without barbs is one way. Understanding the differences that show up in men and women is another. Being in the company of ripened couples is yet one more. Just listening to my Uncle Frank and Aunt Louise talk has helped me avoid some of the angst that showed up in my path. 

 

And so I keep writing, hoping to leave marital seat belts around. Because you cannot control what lies in the road. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Photo by Jenny Stein

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