Marriage Moats-Always Watching
Published: Tue, 09/20/11
| Marriage Moats | Caring for Marriage |
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 (To hear Lori read the story click)here
Recently a woman told me she was thick into berating her husband
when she noticed that his personal fan club, namely their kids, was
aghast. She saw herself in the mirror and did not like what she saw.
Screaming at her husband was one thing but demeaning her children's
father in their presence was another. I heard a man tell about a conversation when his wife drove the
kids to school one day, an errand he usually took on. His little girl
asked their mother "Where are all the idyuts today?" Apparently their
father had things to say about his fellow commuters often enough that
the kids wondered what had happened to them when their mom drove. Many of us have had occasion to see a three year old perch her
hands on her hips, furrow her brow and speak sharply to the dog in
exactly the same tone her mother uses when conferring discipline.
Embarrassing to say the least. I had my own comeuppance when my little boy scolded me.
"Mommy Joshua Odhner!!" Apparently I use his middle name, which I
chose with abundant adoration, as an indicator of retribution.
It is helpful, if not exactly comfortable, to have feedback. I
wonder what would shift in the world if there were no mirrors. Would we
all abandon any concern for personal appearance? Would that be a good
thing? Certainly entire hair, cosmetic and fashion industries would
crumble.
What would happen if we stayed oblivious to our own behaviors? We could
continue to bumble along, insulting and contradicting with abandon. Who
could expect more from a socially blind person? But instead we have
children watching us, and friends who are brave enough to reflect what
they see.
It's ouchy, but better than remaining in the dark.
Photo by Jenny Stein
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