Marriage Moats-Save that Sorry

Published: Mon, 09/05/11

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

The place I get my Bernina sewing machine fixed is forty-five minutes away. Mapquest says it should take me thirty but that will only happen when I have a police escort.

I took it in July, after a year of hard service, and gulped at the bill of $350. Ah well, I need her so what can I do?

But when I got home some things that had not been broken now were, like the automatic buttonholer. I was miffed. I called the store and the repairman told me that it would be an easy fix. He had simply mis-programmed the computer, and would adjust it while I waited. I sighed at the ninety minute trek, but I did it a few days later. I tried to contain my annoyance, yet I wanted an apology. He took Bernie to the workroom, and I pictured which fabric I would casually choose when he offered me a free yard as compensation for my time. In a few minutes he brought Bernie back but here was no mention of complimentary yardage.

I drove home, and tried the buttonholer. It still did not work! Now I was cookin'. I called again and the lady told me to bring it in. The nerve!!!

Now it is not actually her fault that I live so far from the store. Actually I think God planned it on purpose, to curb my addiction to fabric. Smart move.

I tried a different strategy. I brought the twins. People like twins, and she would surely apologize now and offer me the free fabric. She was friendly to the girls, to be sure, and told me about her own set. But no apology was offered. I left the machine behind, and drove home.

When she called to say it was really ready this time, I felt my blood pressure rise as I prepared for the fifth trip to the store. Now I decided to bring Benjamin too. People feel sympathy for moms of kids who moan and pace. But although she was cordial enough, and reassured me that the buttonholer would truly work now, the word "sorry" did not emerge as lubricant in the dialogue. I was not appeased.

A few weeks ago, someone apologized for something that did not bother me at all. In fact I cannot remember the offense, it was so small, but she did say she was sorry. I playfully said I would save the sorry for when I needed it. I decided to take it out now.

Not only that, my sister had given me four yards of batiks for my birthday last month. I decided to pretend she had given me three and the fourth was from the Bernina store.

Maybe your spouse or friend apologizes to you at the precise moment when you expect it. Then again, maybe he misfires. But you can pocket the phrase, and take it out when no words are forthcoming, sort of like storing up when there is a special on canned mandarin oranges. Or, if you really have to, get out your voice memo device, say it to yourself, and replay it when the need arises.

Be sure not to delete it. I may be calling you if my Bernina acts up again.

Photo by Jenny Stein

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