Marriage Moats-Find What You Look For

Published: Fri, 09/09/11

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

The other day I wanted to check the stats on how many people actually open Marriage Moats. I had the notion that about 70% of the 500 plus people subscribed read it on an average day. So I went over the numbers, collecting the ones that confirmed my belief and skipping over the ones that didn't.

Then I had the uncomfortable realization that I was only finding what I wanted to find.

Yesterday at church there was just such a comment. If we look for negativity we will see it, and if we hunt for signs of hope we will find them. He was talking about a process called Appreciative Inquiry, and the effort to locate what is good and nourish it.

In my experience both are there to be found. It is not an enviable tribute to my agility as a sleuth that I can name things to criticize. The more energy I expend in that direction, the better I get at it. But that is the booby prize.

I can just see my epitaph.

She could easily find a mistake,

After which she would certainly make

You feel quite ashamed

as your problems she named

while over the coals you were raked.

I am hoping for a different accolade.

She was instantly drawn to what's good.

Which she nourished as well as she could.

In a wall full of coal

she could spot only gold,

Cuz that's what the Lord said she should.

Photo by Andy Sullivan

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