Marriage Moats-The Frown

Published: Wed, 09/07/11

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

Last spring I did a sewing job for a friend. I worked hard on it and felt good about the quality of work. When she picked up the curtains, she frowned. She complained that they were separate instead of connected. She had not specified that she wanted that, so I had followed my best judgment. I felt badly. She even underpaid me.

A month or so ago she brought me another small job, and I noticed that every time I wrote it on my to do list, it did not get crossed off. I kept writing it, and kept avoiding it. Yesterday she called about it and I quickly finished it in an afternoon. I wondered why I had avoided it for so long and I believe it was because of her criticism the last time. If I did it wrong, and she criticized me, I would feel badly again. If I didn't do it at all, I was safe. Even the fact that I would be compensated did not neutralize the avoidance stance.

Not three hours after finishing her tablecloth, I was making yellow baby booties with a little girl. They were adorable and imperfect, as she is still new at sewing, but we both loved them. I knew from past experience that her mother would be delighted and make sweet purring sounds when she saw them, and it motivated me to help her daughter finish, even though she was losing steam. Her mother did love them, and both her daughter and I felt great.

Because the two interactions fell next to each other I could not help comparing them. When am I like the the first woman? When John brings me a finished task, do I criticize him, or do I purr? Does that have any impact on his willingness the next time I ask for something?

I think I will pay him in kisses, and I will be sure to give a tip.

Photo by Jenny Stein

you can support us at