Marriage Moats-Wash Your Hands

Published: Sun, 09/04/11

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

There is a camp I go to every summer. It has a long history, which includes the year that 90% of the campers got sick. It was pretty awful. The dining hall looked like a ghost town for most meals. Probably no one remembers what the topics for lectures were that year, but everyone remembers the plague. Ever since then there has been a pretty stringent system of washing hands before dinner and disinfecting the silverware.

Now every meal is preceded by The Hand Washing Bell, and there is a parade up to the bathrooms. People still talk about why we do this and pass on the sense of dread. You will hear older folks retelling the story to youngsters as if they are describing Bigfoot, or the Bermuda Triangle.

It is a good idea to wash before eating. Even if you cannot see the germs, they are lurking under your fingernails, ready to pounce on your stomach. For most of us water is freely available, and soap comes in many attractive fragrances. But it only works if you show up to scrub.

I have started to apply the idea to conversations with John. Sometimes I notice I am perched and ready to leap on him for some misdemeanor like forgetting to call the roofer. He walks into the room, unaware that he is already in trouble. Lately I have tried to pause, and wash my words before they spill out. Just tonight I was about to criticize him for misplacing the bank card, and noticed the edge in my unspoken words. In that moment of cleansing, I saw that he was laughing with Benjamin about something. Why would I want to berate him anyway?

Excuse me. I better go help him look for the card. Then when we find it we can celebrate by watching You Tubes of the Abominable Snowman.

Photo by Jenny Stein

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