I just listened to NPR and heard two stories back to back. One was about the Marriage Report just released by John Gottman and the other was about increased security for travel. The study looked at numbers for cohabitation and break ups, and the effect on children. Since forty percent of children born these days are not part of married families, the impact of those unstable homes is widespread. Even if the children of fragile relationships did not affect anyone but themselves, which of course they do, it is still a hefty chunk of the population.
The security piece described increased measures at an airport in Boston. Now travelers will be interviewed as well as sent through x-ray machines before boarding a plane. The interviewers are highly trained to detect physiological signs of distress: in your voice, or your bobbing Adam's apple, your flickering eyes or increased perspiration. The purpose is to ferret out people intending to do harm.
The commentator did not mention the cost of these safeguards, nor the extended time it will take to get to your gate. But I have a feeling it will be a tad inconvenient, and expensive to implement.
Now I do not wish to minimize the tragedy of those people who have been impacted by terrorists. Thousands of people died on 9/11.
What I am wondering about is the relative effort we put into saving people from hijackers, versus saving people from crashed families.
A few years ago the government put a hundred million dollars into programs that fortify marriages. I know because I applied for a grant to do this, and was left in the dust by the many other proposals more air tight than mine. One time I was listening to a workshop by the recipient of the largest grant, and started weeping. I think he found it unsettling to see me in the front row crying, but I was so moved by his efforts to bring healing to marriages and children I could not stop the tears.
But even though a hundred million dollars is a chunk of change, it pales in comparison to the amount we spend on airport safety. There are people who know how to save marriages, and to prevent divorce. There are research based strategies that improve communication and couple satisfaction. I could name a dozen without stopping for breath.
John Gottman is the guy who can listen to a couple for ten minutes and accurately predict whether you will stay married or split. He has trained other people how to do this too.
But in what century will we decide that marital security is at least as important as a three hour plane ride?
http://www.gottman.com/51326/Dr-John-Gottman.html
