Marriage Moats-Second Opinion

Published: Wed, 08/10/11

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

When my father was deteriorating with emphysema he had a doctor who prescribed potent drugs to ease his discomfort. Dad was relinquishing his will to survive. Then the woman who gave him regular massages asked him if he was trying to die, or to live.

He was taken aback. It had not occurred to him that he had a choice. He wrestled with her question for a few days and finally answered.

"I want to live!" She suggested he find another doctor who had a different plan than a painless death. He found one, and had half a dozen more years of laughter and grandchildren. Those years were precious to me, and I am enormously grateful that he chose life.

Once a man going through a divorce told me that he could not picture their relationship ever healing from the words that had been spoken. There were too many hurtful accusations to reconcile. I was curious how he came to that conclusion. I know that I have uttered awful things to the people I promised to love, and lived to rebuild the trust. Just this week I heard the tearful story of a couple who survived the ramifications of his long term childhood abuse. Must words always be fatal?

It is not easy to feel hopeful. You need to surround yourself with sources of optimism. Those bright spots are not quickly found, especially if you are exhausted from looking. But maybe even people who believe their choices have expired still have one.

I wonder what would have happened if that man had dared to believe that his relationship was not terminal. I suspect his children would be enormously grateful.

For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways Mine. As the heavens are above the earth so My ways are above yours.

Isaiah 55

Photo by Jenny Stein

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