Marriage Moats-Can't Find Me

Published: Fri, 09/02/11

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

I watched a video of an underwater plant that turned into an octopus. It took less than a second and then he blanched white, inked the diver and swam away in a huff.

Sometimes people change right before my eyes. One time I was irritated with a woman I was working with on a church rummage sale. She was being ornery and persnickety about the cash box. I thought she should lighten up. Then she burst into tears.

"I want to do a good job and it is hard being in charge of the money," she snuffled, shoulders quivering.

Suddenly I wanted to put my arms around her instead of insulting her. She was putting up a defense because she was scared... like an octopus being chased by a masked man.

Another time John was feeling embarrassed about not having done what I asked, so he hid behind a video game. I was poised for attack, but suddenly I saw him as a little boy, trying to stay out of trouble.

"Thank you for putting kids to bed last night when I was out." He looked up, and instead of fear in his eyes I saw hope. Maybe he did not need to hide after all. I put my spears away.

An octopus does a pretty impressive job of impersonating a rock. A frightened spouse does a good job of imitating an angry one. I am not sure how to build trust with a cephalopod but I have some ideas about how to help John put down his defenses. One of them is to work on being a safe partner.

http://www.sciencefriday.com/videos/watch/10397

Photo by Jenny Stein

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