Marriage Moats-My Family

Published: Wed, 07/20/11

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

I became a mother thirty years ago today. The transformation took only a few hours. Considering how grueling a process it is to try to get a small book published there is surprisingly little paperwork for birthing a human. All of them are home grown, in spite of what one small neighbor asked when his mother told him how many Odhner kids there were.

"Are any of them donated?"

They are all different than me, which in a very embarrassing way shocks me. I would have staunchly denied it, but I kind of expected little Loris. Or Johns. But who needs more of me? I need more of them.

I could not have dreamed how they would enrich my life, because my expectations were so untested. I only knew what I knew to know.

If I had been forced to fill out baby applications, I would have checked the perfect boxes. Booooring.

Plays piano and guitar simultaneously- check

Always kind- check

Wears matching homemade dresses- check

Mathematically astute- check

Religious- check

If it had been possible to order prefab kids, who would have wanted to stick around to see what happens? Certainly not me. I had already lived my life, and déjà vu has a limited appeal.

Fortunately God is more creative than that, and gifted us with wildly interesting offspring. There are omnivores, vegetarians and fregans. (she eats it if it is free) They have at times been naughtier than me, more generous than me, braver than me, smarter than me. It would never have crossed my mind to take my siblings to Europe, learn Italian or rent a chic apartment in the Northern Liberties. I would still think a mac was merely a kind of truck and that facetime meant getting a grip on how late it is.

Sometimes people expect their spouse to be a carbon copy of themselves too. Although no one would admit it in polite company, it sure looks easier to just marry yourself. But God is more clever than that. He has matched us up with people who are naughtier than us, more generous than us, braver than us, smarter than us. That could register as an inequity, but the longer I watch it do its magic the more I stand in awe.

These are my peeps. I am connected to them through shared history, mutual respect, and an illogically inexhaustible supply of devotion. I love them because they are mine to love.

Happy birthday, Lukas. I am better because of you.

Photo by Lukas Odhner

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