Marriage Moats-There's an App for That
Published: Tue, 07/05/11
| Marriage Moats | Caring for Marriage |
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 I have been tuning guitars since high school. Sometimes I get it
right. Other times I realize mid song that oops, the A string is flat.
This is inconsequential when I am alone. But other times I am actually
performing, or leading the congregation. I have on several embarrassing
occasions tried to whip my hands up between verses to twist the tuning
peg, usually with dismal results. I staunchly keep playing the
discordant chords, while wishing I could transport myself to another
solar system.
Then a few months ago my son showed me an app on the IPhone called
PolyTune. I pluck the string and the little light blinks green if I am
on pitch, and red if it is off. Not only is it easier to get it right,
it is pretty cool.
This week I went to a mediation workshop. Part of the morning was
devoted to small groups practicing good and not so good ways to
communicate, with an observer who gave feedback. It was insightful for
me to be part of the process, and get immediate information about
whether my message was sharp or flat. I find it to be more helpful than
when there is an extended gap of time between learning a skill and
actually using it. John and I love a game called Behavior Modification. One person
leaves the room and everyone else agrees on an action they want that
person to do, like jumping jacks, or taking off their shoes. Then the
person returns and starts trying random things. The group gives instant
feedback, either positive or negative, to steer the person toward jack
jumping or tugging their laces. It is uproariously entertaining to
watch someone modify their behavior in response to the groans and cheers
of the crowd.
People are remarkably pliant. Once we managed to bend John's
efforts successfully to reciting Hamlet's soliloquy in under a minute.
Another time our collective reactions guided a woman to climb up on the
soda machine, close her eyes and take the lotus position. I think it
took two minutes. I want an app for marital exchanges. I imagine a little light that
blinks red when I am verging on sarcasm, or pejorative remarks. The
green light would flash when I speak with compassion. Maybe it could
even emit harsh chords when I am nagging, and Gabriel's Oboe when I
express gratitude.
There is already an app for translation called Word Lens. It will
take any sign and translate it, keeping the color and font intact. I
want an app that will take my abrasive words and translate them into
kind ones. For example...
"Why are you late? You were so thoughtless not to tell me where you were!" to
"I was worried. I truly care about you and I want you to be safe." or
"Why didn't you lock the doors last night? You are so irresponsible." to
"I feel scared when I think our house can be easily broken into."
I am soliciting names for the app. What do you think of Marital Exchange Exchange?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2OfQdYrHRs Photo by Chara Odhner
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