Marriage Moats-Possible Side Effects

Published: Tue, 06/14/11

Marriage Moats Caring for Marriage

 

John had pneumonia a few years ago. His doctor prescribed a strong antibiotic to knock it out, and John went to bed. But he began experiencing strange symptoms. He went sixty three hours without sleeping, and started to hallucinate. John saw skillions of huge bugs crawling up the walls and over the ceiling. He was officially freaked out.
 
John checked online and found that yes these were indeed symptoms of that particular drug. Now John, if you know him, does not get mad easily. He has handled things like earthquakes, a son who filched a golf cart, and committing my mother to a mental hospital all without raising his voice. But this time he called the doctor in a fury.
 
"Why didn't you tell me this could happen???" Apparently irritability is also one of the known symptoms.
 
"Mr. er.. Oddner, there was a list of possible side effects included with your prescription. Did you not read them? I would be happy to try an alternate medication." The doctor was nonplusssed.
 
John still finds occasion to retell his story of the Pneumonia Debacle. 
 
Legally, side effects must be made known to the person taking a drug. They do get away with printing it in an illegible font, however. Sometimes we jointly decide that, horrific as the side effects are of say, chemotherapy, the risks are less devastating than the disease. But no one would ever omit informing the patient.
 
I wish that people filing for divorce would be handed a list of possible side effects.
 
Social scientists, who have no concern one way or another about the moral or religious constraints for staying married, have elaborated on the perils for children of divorce for decades. The repercussions include a formidable list of unpleasant things which do not easily go away.1 But our culture frowns on people like me mentioning this.
 
Still, a few years down the road, I can imagine a divorcee scrambling to raise her out of control teenagers wanting to pick up the phone and yell at someone. 
 
"Why didn't you tell me this could happen??"
 
Sometimes the side effects of divorce are less traumatic than staying in the marriage.
 
But I wish people would read the fine print.
 
 
 
 

 

  1. 
The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25 Year Landmark Study by Judith S. Wallerstein, Julia M. Lewis and Sandra Blakeslee
The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially by Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher
The Switching Hour: Kids of Divorce Say Good-Bye Again by Evon O. Flesberg
Marriage and Caste in America: Separate and Unequal Families in a Post-Marital Age by Kay S. Hymowitz
 
Photo by Chara Odhner
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