Marriage Moats-Changed

Published: Tue, 06/07/11

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

Benjamin changed over the weekend.

Suddenly he seemed easier, chattier and more interesting.

Actually it is not that he behaved differently today than he did last week. It is just that I spent time with a more profoundly disabled child. That boy could not speak, play on the computer, or be left alone for even a few minutes. Benjamin talks so much I sometimes have to ask him to pause so I can hear the twins. His favorite words this week are fortunately and unfortunately. He is composing a story where several sentences starts with one of them. He even changes the color of the words to suit his meaning. Being with the other boy helped me reframe things I have chosen to complain about, like the fact that Benjamin replaced all the music on my computer with his favorite organ pieces. He also switched my screen saver to a Care Bear picture. For a kid with autism, he knows how to do things I don't. (It is true. I just admitted to another human being that I do not know how to change my screen saver. But I do know how to change colors.)

I remember when my daughter's college tuition went down drastically without any numbers actually lowering. Having never paid for college before, the seven grand I was expected to pay seemed like a king's ransom. Then I talked with other parents facing hefty bills with no scholarships. Yikes! I take it back. Seven thousand smackers for a year of higher education is a steal.

I heard a speech by an attorney who works with immigrants. He described the freedom we experience in this country, through the eyes of people who grew up without it. Safety? Check. Ability to work? Check. Education? Check. Means of transportation? Check. I guess I have a lot to be thankful for. Remember all those complaints I had about traffic and school uniforms? Delete them. (I could ask Benjamin to do it for me.)

In listening to many people who are dissatisfied with their marriages, I sometimes want to send them out for coffee with people who have a different take on what they deserve. Some women whose husbands (or visa versa) have brought home a steady income for ten or twenty years forget to appreciate that small detail. They might benefit from spending time with people who have struggled financially.

One time I was with a woman who was resentful of her husband because he wasn't fixing things around the house. Instead he spent his time reading to their children at night and taking them fun places on Saturdays. I wanted to introduce her to a mother who would be absolutely thrilled if her husband did those things with their kids.

It is not that developing a grateful spirit changes what you do not have. My thirteen year old son will probably never marry, drive, have a fleet of friends or enjoy a career. But he does have eight siblings who love him, a healthy body, and can write a great little story about a princess. Why point my attention to the have nots when the haves are so much more life giving?

Here is the story so far.

Tangled

Story

Once apon a time, a small single raindrop dripped from Heaven.

And from the single raindrop grew

amagic golden flower It had the power to heal the sick & injured.

It was several centuries ago, &

in a faraway land, there lived a kingdom. The kingdom was ruled by a beloved king & queen.

Fortunately, the queen was about to have a baby.Unfortunately, she was

sick.Very sick.Fortunately, the guards were looking for a miracle,

or in other words a magic golden flower.Unfortunately, it was

guarded a wicked woman

named Mother Gothel.

Instead of sharing the gift

She hoarded its healing

superpowers& used it

to keep herself young for

1,000's of centuries. And

all she had to do was sing

a special song. "Flower gleam, &

glow." "Let your powers shine."

"Make the clock reverse. Bring back what once was mine.Once was mine." "Flower, gleam, & glow. let your power shine.Find what has been lost.Bring back what once was mine.What was mine"We found it," said the guards.The powerof the magic golden flower healed the queen.Surprisingly, a

princess was born with magicgolden hair.I'll give you a hint.That's Rupunzel.To celebrate her birth the king & queen launched a flying lantern into the sky.But in that moment,everything was perfect. But when that moment ended, "Flower, gleam & glow. Let your power shine.Make the clock re-Huh?" gasped Mother Gothel

Rapunzel was crying.Mother Gothel stole the child & ran off like that,

gone.The king & queen searched & searched.Unfortunately, they could not find the princess. Deep in the hidden tower,Mother Gothel raised the child as her own.And the flower,

well she was determined to keep it hidden. "Why can't I go outside Mother?"askedRapunzel"The outside world is a dangerous place,my dear filled with horrible selfish people.You must stay where you're safe.Don't you understand flower?" "Yes Mother." But the walls of that tower could not hide everything.Each year onher birthday, the king & queen released

1,000'soflanternsinto thesky,andhopedthat maybe someday, their lost princesswould return. Fortunately, Rapunzel liked it inhertower, &shehad a friend, a petchemelion named Pascal who could change colors.

1 day, a man named Flynn Rider, & 2thugsran across a castle roof.

Flynn Rider wanted a castle. "If we do this job, we can buy you your own castle," the thugs said

Photo by Chara Odhner

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