Marriage Moats-Try This at Home

Published: Mon, 06/13/11

Marriage Moats	Caring for Marriage
The other day I went to a French restaurant on the Upper East Side with my sister and her two daughters. I succeeded in pretending that I was that caliber of person. No one asked where I got my summery dress. (the thrift store) or how I was planning to pay for this lunch. (which cost more than our family's grocery bill for two weeks) The food was exquisite. It was elegantly served on snowy plates with surprising shapes. The waiters, (there were several who seemed bent on taking care of us) cleared my silverware four times. The peach colored orchids in the center of the crisp white table were fragrant. The conversation was interesting and continuous for the three hours that we sat together. But one of the most poignant memories I took home was how the waiter poured the water. He did it slowly, thoughtfully, as if he had all the time in the world, and serving me was the only thing that mattered. I watched the gently streaming water in a way that I do not watch it when I scramble to fill glasses at my own table on a busy weekday evening. I thought of him last night at dinner, and I slowed down too. Here is a low cost, unhurried way to put fuel in your marital tank. Invite three couples over. Each person brings four sentimental objects. This could be a piece of music, or an article of clothing. It might be a gift their partner gave them in the past, or a photograph from when they went to the shore. Perhaps it will be a food they ate on their honeymoon. Ask each person to tell the story of what they have brought. Take your time. Let the details unfold. Listen to the song. Touch the garment. Savor the photo. Taste the chocolate. Soak up the smiles. You might just think you are dining on the Upper East Side. Photo by Joy Feerrar you can support us at www.caringformarriage.org