Marriage Moats-Clouds

Published: Wed, 06/01/11

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

I make lists. It assuages my need to feel like I accomplished something. I have even been known to write down something I already did, just so I can cross it out.

It helps me to clear out the clutter between my ears, when I cannot keep track of where I even want to be going.

Last month I made a list of goals. One that I achieved was to have 100 heart to heart conversations in May. I kept track of names and one word descriptions. It was only for my eyes, and I did not have a criteria for length or subject. I just knew it had to feel genuine to make the List. I had also made a goal of organizing my sewing room... a formidable task no matter how you slice it.

Each evening I added names as I reflected on the interactions of the day, and watched the list lengthen. By contrast the goal of cleaning went at a snail's pace, inching along as I poked at each pile of fabric and ribbons.

Yet I felt deeply satisfied. I had articulated a wish to myself that perhaps no one else would ever be able to measure or even detect, and watched it come true. The pins and needles waited impatiently for their turn, but the lives I was quilting together with invisible thread kept me warm. It was beautiful.

For June I hope to write another list. I actually feel giddy with the possibilities. Perhaps it will be to count the times I smile at my husband. Maybe it will be a list of kindnesses proffered.

Some things live briefly, like conversations, or clouds. Yet they irrigate parched lives and lands in a way that tidiness misses the mark.

Photo by Rhys Asplundh

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