I am a Boy Scout Merit Badge Counselor.

 

The badge is Family Life, which is hefty enough that most boys tend to leave it for last on their way to Eagle. The requirements include seven activities, from planning and leading a family meeting, and discussing the qualities of an effective father, to making a list of five chores and doing them for ninety days. They must also plan a project that will benefit the whole family and then do it.

 

I am impressed both with the scouting organization, and the adults that are involved. What a gift to these boys to have a system of goals for self improvement and service, and the people to help achieve them. Perhaps the boys see it as a bunch of hoops they have to jump through, but the work gets done all the same.

 

They marched in the Fourth of July parade with a sign saying "Philmont 2012". That caught my attention, since my son Micah went twelve years ago with his troop. I felt a surge of support for them. I want them to achieve that dream.

 

To earn the Family Life Badge, they are tasked with setting up a family meeting. Perhaps there are families for whom this is old hat, but there are no doubt others for whom the idea is revolutionary.

 

"Everyone gets a chance to speak? We listen as well as talk?"

 

The requirement to identify a project that would help their family and then do it is exemplary. The brothers I am working with now are putting up a fence around the yard. I do not actually show up on Saturday mornings to watch, but I imagine there are struggles involved in the process, and certainly cost. Yet the scouts are motivated to follow through.

 

I see the wisdom in requiring boys to make a chore list and keep track for three months. It takes that long to establish habits, and to see the benefits of shared participation. 

 

Where does the motivation come from? Perhaps being in the company of other boys making goals and working for them is contagious. Starting off as Tigers eight or ten years ago, these boys have built up a personal investment. They began when it was just fun, roasting marshmallows and learning archery. Then they gradually had to work more, setting up tents and washing mess kits.

 

The troop has ways to celebrate each achievement, whether it is for fifty nights spent camping, or a hundred miles hiked, badges earned or ranks attained. Each incremental goal is honored. Younger boys see this, and it builds their own determination to progress too. The troop my sons belonged to had a slide show every quarter, showing pictures of the boys sailing, rock climbing, and snow shoeing. It created an image of what a maturing scout could enjoy. 

 

I would love to see such a program for marriage growth. I imagine a world where couples have a system of goals to strive for, with specific tasks articulated. John and I created one for ourselves, called the Music Badge. We outlined the plan, so we knew where we were headed.

Dancing
Check on the internet to see what dance classes are being offered.

Go to classes together for 6 weeks.

Practice in your living room once a week, too, so your children can see you having fun.

Organize an occasion to dance with friends in a romantic setting.

 

Read a book about communication. (See Book Reviews on the C for M website)

 

Having Fun
Check out the list of ideas under Starting Your Own Group, and Storing up on the C for M website.

Make a budget for having fun as a couple.

 

Service
Come up with a list of 20 ways you would consider serving together in the community.
Follow up on five of them to determine feasibility.

Choose one avenue for service and pursue it for eight weeks.

Consider asking another couple to work with you.

Talk together about what this meant to you.

 

Reading
Make a list of 20 books you might enjoy reading aloud together.
Go to the book store or library and have fun browsing.

Talk about what places and times would work for reading together.

Agree on a routine and stick to it for a month.

Anger Management
Together make a list of triggers for anger in your relationship.
Separately write about how your partner's moods affect you. Exchange these.
Talk about ways you have ever successfully handled stress without getting angry.
Make a plan of 3 ways you can avoid hurtful anger and post it.
Notice and thank each other every time you successfully avoid anger.

 

Home Improvement
Brainstorm about ways you want to work together on your home.
Make a list of priorities. Narrow it down to one or two.

Go to a hardware store together, and explore possibilities.
Ask for help if you need it.

Work up a plan for how to tackle this in a way that utilizes both your gifts and strengths.

Implement that plan over a month.

Take before and after photos and share them with friends.

 

Prayer
Find a time that works for you to pray together regularly.

Talk about what gets in the way of prayer for you.

Set a goal for how often and long you want to pray together.

Start praying!

Talk about it after a month and tell each other what worked for you.

Ask a couple or person you trust to pray for your marriage. 

 

Exercise
Talk about 20 ways you could possibly bring more exercise into your routine.
Find 20 more ways, and be creative and crazy.

Each pick five ways that you like most and post them.

Give each other permission to nudge each other when it gets hard.

Start walking/running/swimming/jumping/kickboxing/rock climbing/dancing/rowing...

 

Read the review of Gary Chapman's book Five Languages of Apology on the C for M Website.

Talk about three times you felt an apology resonated for you.

Look for ways to offer and grant forgiveness in your relationship. 

Create a ritual of forgiveness, which includes words, touch and action. 

Make a star chart for marking your progress.

 

 

 

Photo by Rhys Asplundh

you can support us at

www.caringformarriage.org