Marriage Moats-After it All

Published: Wed, 06/15/11

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

The guitar has long been an envelope for love letters. Sweet affections are tucked inside the dancing notes, and are carried on the wind. Sometimes the object of those endearments are within ear shot. Other times only the trees are there to hear.

John has composed a handful of songs for me. One is called "After It All" and he worked on it late at night. That was in the era when we had not figured out how to get Benjamin to sleep before eleven so he was the audience of one for many practices.

Benjamin tried writing down the words and the music in his sweet six year old script. He was not familiar with the word beg, so he so he substituted bake.

John gave it to me for Christmas, and it made me cry. The words felt like a message about my mother as well. We had recently slogged through another of her manic episodes and my extended family encouraged us to put her in a nursing home, to avoid the strain on our family. I waffled between following their urging, and letting mom stay in the apartment we had built for her.

Her maiden name is Rose, and the line about petals falling off the rose, reminded me of her steady decline. Yet the clincher was the phrase about "I'll ask forgiveness, for being a fool and beg you for just one more try."

How could I not? My father was a barbershop singer too, and I was sure this was his voice pleading with me.

I decided that Mom belonged with us. We had two more precious years before she left the disease behind and went to sing with Dad.

We have since serenaded a few hundred people on their anniversaries with it, flowers in hand, and some of them cried too.

You can listen to it here.
http://www.caringformarriage.org/videos/after-it-all-1.html

photo by Jason Buss

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