Marriage Moats-Enough

Published: Mon, 05/16/11

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

Once there was a little boy named Robby who had three matchbox cars. He loved playing with them, and made up elaborate games along the stripes of the carpet in his room.

His aunt enjoyed watching these games, and because she adored him she bought Robby twenty more cars just like them. She was excited to wrap them in a colorful box, and gave them to him one evening when she came for dinner. He squealed in delight, and hugged his favorite aunt around the waist. She felt wonderful.

The next week she came for dinner as usual but she noticed that her nephew was playing with two stuffed penguins, not the new fleet of cars. She was curious, but decided not to say anything. Yet the following week he was not playing with them either. Finally she could not keep silent.

"Robby, I am wondering why you do not play with your new cars. Do you like them?" she asked.

Robby shifted, and wrinkled his eyebrows.

"Thank you so much for getting them for me! They are great. But there are too many to love at once."

I notice that I am vulnerable to the idea that more is always better. A brief review of my fabric collection would suggest that moderation has not been a signature quality for me over the years. When I was collecting Brown Bag Cookie molds, I accrued over a hundred. As a finale to our family, we splurged and had twins.

But I am beginning to suspect that I actually have more fabric than I will be able to use in the next twenty years. I realize that when I make paper castings with my molds, I cannot possibly fill them all. Fortunately, I have two arms and can hug both girls at once.

Sometimes I wonder whether my relationship with John is actually expanding, or whether I am learning to savor it more. We certainly spend less time planning elaborate dates than we did when we were falling in love. Yet we have... enough.

There is enough time to sit in the same room with him, while we each work at a computer. There is enough skin to snuggle up against. (I should admit that we both have more of that than we did thirty years ago) There are enough smiles to toss across the table when our children say something cute or naughty. There are enough ordinary dusks to sit on the deck and watch the fireflies.

Do I really need more of any of these things? Robby taught me that a few can be plenty.

Photo by Jenny Stein

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