Marriage Moats-Froggy

Published: Tue, 05/17/11

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

One of the clever things about fairy tales is that they are One Size Fits All.

In the tale of the frog who turns into a prince, each person listening gets to figure out what warts they have that need transformation. The story takes you skillfully up to your front door, but then plunks you down on the threshold. It is up to you to bring it into where you live.

Rumpelstiltskin lost his power when the girl could name him. I notice my own demons become more manageable when I articulate them.

"Ok, I am afraid of failure. I can step over that."

The Ugly Duckling had a good heart in spite of being rejected. I can choose that too. Maybe I will turn into a swan.

People tell them and retell them as if they are somehow ever new. Perhaps they are.

I am never saturated of hearing marriage stories either. In marriage group last week when I listened to a woman thank her husband for remembering to pray right before they faced a decision about where to live, I made the brilliant connection that prayer would help me in my own marital crossroads. The same night another woman described how she phoned her husband when she was lost and he helped her find her way, and I had a surge of gratitude for the many times I have called John in a panic over finding myself off course.

The people talking did not need to moralize.

"Now Lori, can you think of a time when you could have prayed in your marriage?"

"I appreciate my husband, so you should too."

The fairy tales and conversations make it easy, and even painless to look at my own choices through the guise of looking at someone else's.

I wonder if that is how it works for you too.

Photo by Jenny Stein

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