Marriage Moats-The Rubric

Published: Thu, 03/24/11

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

This spring I have the absolute pleasure of teaching a college class. I have taught kids for decades, but usually they only come up to my belly button, and this feels like a new vista for me.

I have tried to be respectful of the person who taught this class before me, following her syllabus, and goals, while still keeping the material fresh and alive. The class after all is about creativity and children.

As I was returning the first round of papers, I ran into another college teacher who is more experienced than me. I shared my excitement and my self doubt.

"You did give them a rubric, didn't you?" she asked.

Long pause.

"No, I didn't think of that. Can you show me one of yours?"

My friend gave me some examples of what a good rubric provides in terms of clear expectations, so that the teacher and the student can understand what is important.

I went home and wrote one.

Not only did it help my students clarify what I was looking for, it helped me to understand my intentions in assigning the paper. Not surprisingly, several of their grades rose sharply the next week.

Once I was listening to a friend who was disappointed that her husband did not do something she wanted. Before I could even form the words, she answered what I was thinking.

"No, I didn't tell him what I was hoping he would do."

I am guilty of it. For a stretch of time I was angry every Saturday morning. In my head, that was a sacred time for Family Chores, as it had been in my own childhood. But no one was cooperating. I overlooked the small fact that I had never spelled out my picture of a morning clean up, never mind inquiring whether the other members of the household bought into the idea. The diatribe going on in my head precluded any actual verbal exchanges, so most of the inhabitants of the house were oblivious to their own dismal failure. Which made me even madder.

Mind reading is fun, when it works. But in our marriage, asking for what you want is handy too.

Photo by Chara Odhner