I deserve this husband!

 

Actually, I don't deserve him.

How is it possible that two completely contradictory statements can both rankle me?

 

I suppose it is because deserving has nothing to do with it.

 

We live in a complex society that depends largely on fair exchange. I give a specified amount of currency over the counter, they give me a pair of shoes. An employee shows up on the appointed days, stays until closing time and is mailed a paycheck. Occasionally some of us argue about the inequities of this system.

 

"You paid too much for that."

 

"I deserve a raise."

 

Much of the entire legal system is consumed with our attempts to even the balances of what people believe they deserve.

 

Yet there are forces among us that seem oblivious to this set of rules. The wildflowers that grace the roadsides appear without any observable human toil, and bestow their beauty on everyone who takes the time to look. The supply of loveliness seems inexhaustible.

 

One of the irresistible charms of babies rests in their capacity to adore their mothers regardless of beauty, personal grooming, wealth or any scale of performance on a given day.

Poor physical health, marital discord or tragedy may or may not seem linked logically to the choices we have made. Perhaps we fester with the notion that, if we somehow knew we deserved this, we could learn to live with our painful circumstances.

 

Yet the reverse is also unexpected. When we feel like we have merited the blessings that fall in our path, either by our efforts or sacrifice, the ceiling for joy is much lower than when it arrives unearned. The Lord seems partial to placing us in just this position of immunity to deserving.

 

"For He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust." Matt 5

 

When Jehovah gifted the children of Israel with manna every morning, the circumstances didn't follow our rules about equity.

 

 

God gives to us not because we have somehow purchased His attention, but because we need it so  desperately. It is not the fullness of our hands that inspires His mercy, it is because they are vacant.

 

The very word deserve is an annulment of the word serve. When we give and receive not from a sense of entitlement, but from abundance we have raised our ways a little above the earth. Thank you, Lord, for the gift of this marriage. May I respond with a willingness to serve.