Marriage Moats-Zap

Published: Fri, 03/11/11

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

I did it again.

I went back to the dermatologist and coughed up forty dollars for six minutes of her time. Who knows what my insurance company forked over too. She said my cheek was healing nicely, and zapped a ray gun at a suspicious place on my eyebrow. I think she froze it, but the explanation was so brief I am not sure. Funny how willing people are to let someone in a white coat do whatever they want to them.

It is expensive, keeping an eye on troublesome body parts. But it is of course much less costly than the repairs, if they can even be done. The doctor was much less concerned about the freckles and moles that got me to go in in the first place. It was a dark patch I had never really paid attention to that warranted a closer look and a scalpel.

"That has to go," was all she said.

John Gottman claims that he can listen to a couple for ten minutes and make an accurate diagnosis. He knows if the dark spots will spread and become cancerous, or they will stay benign. Contempt is his highest concern, when it shows up in facial expressions, put downs and sarcasm. He does not give those marriages good odds.

Considering the exorbitant costs of divorce, even if you only look at wallets, it would make sense to go for regular check ups. Someone who knows what to look for, watching the two of you interact for ten minutes could zap those danger spots before they spread.

"That disrespectful tone has to go. Interrupting ends today." Maybe she could even use a ray gun, just for the effect. Hold it up to a patient's heart and zap away the dark spot.

I am no John Gottman but I have seen worrisome patterns in action. I wanted to blurt out, "Don't make fun of your husband like that!"

But I have no white coat and no credentials.

Photo by Chara Odhner