Marriage Moats-Too Much Noise

Published: Tue, 02/08/11

†Ω

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

There is a children's book called Too Much Noise that I read to my children enough times to memorize.

"The bed creaked, the floor squeaked, the wind fell on the roof, swish, swish, the tea kettle whistled, hiss, hiss. 'This house is too noisy!' said the old man."

He visits a wise man, who advises him one by one to get a donkey, and a cow, and a sheep, and hen, a cat, and a dog, who each add to the accelerating chaos in the house.

Then when he is drowning in cacophony, the wise man tells him to let the donkey go, let the cow go, let the sheep go, let the hen go, let the cat and dog go. Now the little old man is delighted with the soft sounds of his creaky bed and whistling tea kettle. He went to bed and dreamed a very quiet dream.

I witnessed a version of this on Tony Robbins's Breakthrough website. He took a couple who were drowning in debt and unemployed, blaming each other for their problems. They could not manage to treat each other with respect, much less work together, and were on the verge of divorce. There were no smiles between them and no touch.

Tony drove them to skid row in Los Angeles and left them there for two very long weeks. Stepping out of the car, and into the reality of being homeless made all their previous complaints moot. The wife was terrified.

What Tony expected happened. The husband immediately rose above his own fear to protect his wife. He physically guarded her and she saw him as her hero, a role she lad long ago stripped from him. They clung tightly to each other, alert to the dangers all around, with no shield but their marriage. Days before, that same relationship was worthless to her. Sure, she had her loser husband, but what about the bills and the mortgage and the unemployment? Here on the streets amidst people who had less than they did- no community, no home, no family- she realized what a blessing it was to have a committed husband by her side.

For a moment in time they both saw each other as being partners, striving to solve the troubles in their path. Instead of working against each other, they learned to work with one another. Tony returned them to their home, with the same issues as before. But their perspective had changed dramatically.

I imagine they went to sleep that night in a real bed, snuggled close, and dreamed a very contented dream.

Photo by Chara Odhner