There are lots of heroes in literature: Ulysses, Hercules, the Nutcracker. Most of them are male. I don't think it is a coincidence. In my world, men like to be heroes.

 

John Gray says that husbands will do almost anything for the women they love.... as long as there is a parade.  I was in a ballroom full of two thousand people when he said it, and the audience erupted with both laughter and nodding. Many of us there resonated with the familiarity of it.

 

I am not exactly a shrinking violet, but when the car does unpredictable things at sixty miles an hour, I want John to handle it. When the basement floods, I beg John to pump it. When our son calls from Germany saying he does not have enough money to get to the airport to catch his flight home, I need John to solve it. 

 

But my contribution is to celebrate his achievements. He likes that.

 

One time he mopped the floor. This was in the early post twin days and the floor was particularly grungy. He did it cheerfully enough, but he left the dirty water and mop in the middle of the floor. I was annoyed, because I did not yet know about the parade part of the deal. I interrogated him about why he had left it there where a small child could knock it over and he sheepishly admitted that he wanted me to notice. His method worked. I noticed. 

 

I am in charge of cheering for him when he is done.

Photo by Jenny Stein

www.caringformarriage.org