Once I knew a man named Larry who was broken. I had trouble liking him, or even treating him kindly. He was an alcoholic, bruised from falling off the wagon on an all too frequent basis. He had at one time been a successful comedian, working with Jay Leno on the Tonight Show. John was much more willing to see the good inside this man than I was, often bailing him out of jail, or taking him to AA meetings, or just making him soup. 

 

Then he died.

 

John conducted his funeral, and I went out of obligation rather than compassion.

 

"Great," I thought. "Everyone there will be either an alcoholic or a comedian."

 

It was at that moment that I saw a limo pull up to the small church, and in it was Jay Leno. 

 

John gave a gentle talk about Larry, and his life as a comedian. He spoke about his tough childhood, and the one grandmother who loved him. Then John invited others to speak. 

 

Jay walked to the altar.

 

He talked about his respect for Larry, and his integrity around creating humor for people, never at their expense. Others got up too, who clearly cared for this man for whom I could not manage to eek out any affection. 

 

After the service, I stood around awkwardly, not really wanting to talk to anyone, when a woman introduced herself. I said hello, and that I was the pastor's wife. 

 

"Oh, Lori?" she seemed pleased. "Larry told me about you. He really liked you!"

 

Crash. 

 

I felt the glass shatter on my protective "I am better than you are" shield. Here was a man who had softness inside, and I had refused to look long enough to see it. I have never forgotten that conversation, in fact it still moves me to tears. 

 

Everyone.... everyone has roses inside.

 

Photo by Chara Odhner

www.caringformarriage.org