Marriage Moats-What's for Dinner?
Published: Sun, 02/13/11
| Marriage Moats | Caring for Marriage |
     If I asked what you had for dinner last Tuesday,
there is a good chance you would draw a blank. Your memory is already
cluttered with details like getting the bills paid, and where the
checkbook was last seen. Dinner last week? Dunno.
But today I was in a group of mothers and asked, "Do any of you remember a meal that a friend brought when you had a baby?" Their eyes glistened with the conjured pictures, as each of them described those meals in detail. The memories were years or even decades old, yet the feelings seemed fresh. I wondered if they could actually smell the savory traces. Kindnesses take up residence in a secret corner
of your heart, and do not easily fade. I have my own memories.
There were the little bunnies made of canned pears and olives on lettuce
leaves when Mercy was born (she is 23), and the warm split pea soup
when the twins arrived (they are 9).
Perhaps one of the fixatives that keeps those pictures vibrant is our vulnerability
when they appeared. The overwhelm that takes up residence when a new baby
comes, leaves many mothers raw. No matter if you were once a Blackberry
swinging, high powered executive accustomed to five course business
lunches, newborns have a way of bringing us to our culinary knees.
Macaroni and cheese suddenly seems extravagant. So when someone knocks
on the door with spaghetti and pie just as the baby starts wailing, you
are bonded to them for life. Marriage is holy ground. You are the one and only
person who sees your partner in all shades of vulnerability, failure,
and incompetence. You are witness to their sickness, unemployment,
dementia and defeat. You could hold that as a circumstance to be avoided
at all cost, steering your marital boat back toward clearer waters on
full throttle.
Or you could see it as a sacred and private
passageway into your partner's deepest needs. Bringing nourishment to
your husband or wife, when he or she is truly hungry for your love is
marriage at its core.
It will bond you for life.
Photo by Robin Trautmann www.caringformarriage.org
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